why on earth does this little thing called ‘ego’ have so much power over us when it has absolutely no relevancy to reality? instead of ignoring it and seeing things as they are, we choose to believe all the fictitious stories it concocts.

i’ve spent quite a bit of time observing my distorted mind (ego), watching the way it moves, studying its strategy. after years of getting tangled up in its wild web and crawling on my knees through the dark to find my way back out, i am beginning to see just how it works. 

it doesn’t wish for our happiness. it wants to manipulate our every move, control our every choice, until our actions are no longer genuine. it starts out wanting something, seemingly simple, from our external environment. next thing you know, we have to have it, can’t live without it, whether it be money, success, fame, approval or a relationship with a particular person. we begin putting all of our energy into capturing this ’something’ we are craving, convincing ourselves we will be happy once we get it. this yearning becomes an obsession. before long, we become a slave to our ego’s appetite, allowing it to feast upon our freedom. 

our worth is not determined by how much money we make or by our reputation among others or by our position in society. we are enough just as we are. there is nothing to ‘get’ out there. that ’something’ we want (and feel inferior without) will not bring peace to our minds or love into our lives. it will only leave us wanting more…more of what we don’t have…more of what we don’t need. these desires are our primary source of anxiety and fear: anxious to grasp what we feel is within reach and fear of losing it once we get our hands on it. 

letting go of expectation and trusting things as they are, opens us up to a world of possibility, allowing for the unexpected to occur rather than clutching so tightly to what the mind originally planned for itself. everything happens for a reason. what we lose always comes around in another form. it may not look like what we envisioned or come to us at the exact time we are expecting it, but it will come, arriving even more beautifully than we ever imagined. 

surrender to the moment. detach from future results. the outcome makes absolutely no difference. live each moment truthfully, with love and compassion. make all choices from a place within. everything else will effortlessly fall into place.

the musicians i connect with most are the ones that have taken the words from inside my soul and expressed them through their voice. ray lamontagne and tracy chapman are two artists who do this effortlessly for me. they both have new albums out. however, i like pretty much every song they have ever written and performed.

here are my top 10 favorite songs at the moment (for those of you who may be looking for some inspiring music to add to your playlist):

1. let it be me - ray lamontagne

2. all that you have is your soul - tracy chapman

3. fields of gold - eva cassidy

4. johnny and june - heidi newfield

5. one love - cheryl wheeler 

6. tougher than the rest - bruce springsteen 

7. aint gonna lose you - brett dennen

8. love me like a man - bonnie raitt

9. love you again - john hiatt

10. i’d rather be with you - joshua radin 

to thine own self be true: six well-known words of wisdom strung together to make a very profound statement. i remember hearing those words for the first time as a child. they held so much meaning for me. immediately, i began to question the way i was told to live my life, the beliefs that had been ingrained in my young mind and the endless options that adulthood would bring me once i got out on my own. i felt myself being pulled away from home into a new world of unknowns and possibility. knowing i would one day be able to speak and choose exactly the way my spirit desired was fascinating and beyond my wildest imagination.

when i turned 18, i left home (geographically), ready to spread my wings and fly off to some magical land that would transform life as i knew it. i soon discovered, as the song communicates, it is a wild world out there. life repeatedly offered up the unexpected on a silver, and sometimes tarnished, platter. eventually, reality hit me like a ton of bricks and assured me i would have to leave my comfort zone in order to become my true authentic self.  

inquisitive by nature, i started questioning all the things i had been taught up to this point and realized i would have to unlearn everything i knew and start all over again, forming my own ideas, creating my own philosophy. it was not going to be the easiest task i ever had tackled, but by far the most rewarding. where would i start? i do not believe what i had been told about religion, i do not believe marriage will make me complete, i do not believe in following the respectable road that had been mapped out for me and i absolutely refuse to conform to the expectations placed upon me as a woman. 

it took a while, and much disappointment, to find the courage to completely abandon the belief system i was expected to trust. i was leaving the only place i had ever been. i searched high and low, looking for some kind of answer. i was lost and lonely and confused as i made my way into uncharted territory. i felt like running back to what i knew but something deep inside told me to stay, to pave my own path. i listened to the sweet voice of my spirit speaking ever so gently to me. 

i began reveling in my solitude and savoring silence. i was no longer seeking approval from the people around me or depending on things outside myself for happiness. i was learning to trust myself. i was learning to love myself unconditionally. i was learning that the answers to every question i have lies within me. 

in our over-stimulated society, we are all too often conditioned by dogmas that lead us astray. we have the freedom to accept those theories as our own or find out for ourselves who we are and what we want to do with this precious life we’ve been given.

you already have what you need. paint your own picture. listen to your true nature. follow your own way.