Archive for April, 2010

experience refines us

Friday, April 30th, 2010

throughout my 33 years on earth, i have traveled numerous roads, steered off track more times than i would like to mention, ventured into many unknowns, stepped right into situations that i KNEW would end disastrously with immeasurable heartache, and walked countless miles in shoes that did not fit, only to discover the painful blisters that confirmed my journey, fortunately, heal in time. i would not, strange as it may seem, erase a single moment i have encountered because each one has taught me a lesson that is worth its weight in gold. i am still learning every day, but i can say with unwavering certainty that experience refines us. this is the beauty of becoming older. some things just keep getting better.

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stripping and putting on

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

a very dear friend of mine, who reads me like a book, sent this incredible poem by may swenson to me a few days ago.

i always felt like a bird blown through the world. i never felt like a tree. i never wanted a patch of this earth to stand in, that would stick to me. i wanted to move by whatever throb my muscles sent to me.

i never cared for cars, that crawled on land or air or sea. if i rode, i’d rather another animal: horse, camel, or shrewd donkey. never needed a nest, unless for the night, or when winter overtook me. never wanted an extra skin between mine and the sun, for vanity or modesty.

would rather not have parents, had no yen for a child, and never felt brotherly. but i’d borrow or lend love of friend. let friend be not stronger or weaker than me.

never hankered for heaven, or shield from hell, or played with the puppets devil and deity. i never felt proud as one of the crowd under the flag of a country. or felt that my genes were worth more or less than beans, by accident of ancestry.

never wished to buy or sell. i would just as well not touch money. never wanted to own a thing that wasn’t i born with. or to act by a fact not discovered by me.

i always felt like a bird blown through the world. but i would like to lay the egg of a world in a nest of calm beyond this world’s storm and decay. i would like to own such wings as light speeds on, far from this globule of night and day.

i would like to be able to put on, like clothes, the bodies of all those creatures and things hatched under the wings of that world.

these are some of my favorite things

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

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1. other people’s love letters (the book)

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2. getting lost in a bookstore

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3. chocolat. my favorite movie EVER!

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4. everything about ray lamontagne

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5. a sweet p.s. at the end of a letter

i wish for you…

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010
  • nourishing conversation that lasts for hours
  • an angel of guidance when you lose your way
  • a lifetime of wild adventure
  • tears of sweet release
  • a hot cup of tea on a rainy day
  • unwavering friendships that nurture the soul
  • soft kisses
  • belly-aching laughter
  • a hand to hold
  • a heaping pile of heartfelt love letters
  • a big bowl of fresh cherries on a summer day

epitome of a free spirit

Monday, April 26th, 2010

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i love looking at this face.

the photo and following story glimpse into the life of richard zimmerman, an extraordinary man who chose to live alone in caves that he dug himself with a pick, shovel, and prybar. i am in absolute wonder of this wise, unique, self-sufficient soul who defined true freedom through his courageous choices. he gives a whole new meaning to follow your own way.

Known as the “Salmon River Caveman,” Richard Zimmerman lived an essentially 19th century lifestyle, a digital-age anachronism who never owned a telephone or a television and lived almost entirely off the land.

“He was in his home at the caves at the end, and it was his wish to die there,” said Connie Fitte, who lived across the river. “He was the epitome of the free spirit.”

Richard Zimmerman had been in declining health when he died Wednesday.

Few knew him by his given name. To friends and visitors to his jumble of cave-like homes scrabbled from a rocky shoulder of the Salmon River, he was Dugout Dick.

He was the last of Idaho’s river-canyon loners that date back to Territorial days. They are a unique group that until the 1980s included canyon contemporaries with names like Beaver Dick, Cougar Dave and Wheelbarrow Annie, “Buckskin Bill” (real name Sylvan Hart) and “Free Press Frances” Wisner. Fiercely independent loners, they lived eccentric lives on their own terms and made the state more interesting just by being here.

Most, like Zimmerman, came from someplace else. Drawn by Idaho’s remoteness and wild places removed from social pressures, they came and spent their lives here, leaving only in death.

Some became reluctant celebrities, interviewed about their unusual lifestyles and courted by media heavyweights. Zimmerman was featured in National Geographic magazine and spurned repeated invitations to appear on the “Tonight Show.”

“I ride Greyhounds, not airplanes,” he said in a 1993 Statesman interview. “Besides, the show isn’t in California. The show is here.”

Cort Conley, who included Zimmerman in his 1994 book “Idaho Loners”, said that “like Thoreau, he often must have smiled at how much he didn’t need. É What gave him uncommon grace and dignity for me were his spiritual life, his musical artistry, his unperturbed acceptance of life as it is, and being a WWII veteran who had served his country and harbored no expectations in return.”

His metamorphisis to Dugout Dick began when he crossed a wooden bridge over the Salmon River in 1947 and built a makeshift home on the side of a hill. He spent the rest of his life there, fashioning one cavelike dwelling after another, furnishing them with castoff doors, car windows, old tires and other leavings.

“I have everything here,” he said. “I got lots of rocks and rubber tires. I have plenty of straw and fruit and vegetables, my dog and my cats and my guitars. I make wine to cook with. There’s nothing I really need.”

Some of his caves were 60 feet deep. Though he “never meant to build an apartment house,” he earned spending money by renting them for $2 a night. Some renters spent one night; others chose the $25 monthly rate and stayed for months or years.

He lived in a cave by choice. Moved by a friend to a care center in Salmon at age 93 because he was in failing health, he walked out and hitchhiked home.

Bruce Long, who rented one of his caves and looked after him, said the care center “had bingo and TV, but things like that held no interest for him. He just wanted to live in his cave.

“People said he was the only person they’d ever known who was absolutely self-sufficient. He didn’t work for anybody. He worked for himself.”

Born in Indiana in 1916, Zimmerman grew up on farms in Indiana and Michigan, the son of a moonshiner with a mean streak. He rebelled against his domineering father and ran away at a young age, riding the rails west and learning the hobo songs he later would play on a battered guitar for guests at his caves.

He punched cows and worked as a farmhand, settling in Idaho’s Lemhi Valley in 1937 and making ends meet by cutting firewood and herding sheep. In 1942, he joined the Army and served as a truck driver in the Pacific during World War II. When his service ended, he returned to Idaho and never left.

He raised goats and chickens, tended a bountiful vegetable garden and orchard and stored what he couldn’t eat or sell in a root cellar. A lifelong victim of a quarrelsome stomach, he survived largely on what he could grow or make. Homemade yogurt ranked among his proudest achievements.

He was married once, briefly, to a pen-pal bride from Mexico. The other woman in his life, Bonnie Trositt, tired of life in a cave, left him for a job as a potato sorter and was murdered by her roommate. He claimed to see her spirit in the flickering light of a kerosene lamp on the cave walls.

He rarely went to church, but read and quoted continually from the Bible.

(article and photo found here)

returning to innocence

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

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tomorrow is DO SOMETHING SILLY DAY, at least according to my calendar. the moment i became aware of this holiday, i got just a little bit excited by all the possibilities that a day dedicated to ‘being outrageous’ might involve. after all, it is not every day that we are encouraged to be our most authentic selves and break the rules that bind. we are usually being told to fit a particular mold, do what is right, follow directions, obey the rules, keep up appearances. now we are actually being encouraged to unleash our childlike innocence that has been begging to come back out and play. i can not think of a better holiday. actually, i can. i can think of a whole list of holidays i will add to the calendar year shall i ever possess that power. i’ll save that for another blog.

so here is an opportunity to try something new, to walk right through an all-consuming fear, to do something just for the sheer pleasure of doing it. and because i am honoring the big day, i have made a list of things to do, should you decide to be adventurous and splatter a little color across your canvas.

  • play dress up.
  • sleep outside.
  • listen to someone who needs your attention.
  • put on your favorite outfit. the one that brings out your beautiful, sensual self.
  • take a road trip.
  • engage in conversation with a stranger who captivates your interest.
  • go for a walk at midnight.
  • explore the kiss. try it 100 different ways.
  • spend an entire day indoors by yourself. turn off your phone. unplug the computer and television. light some candles. use your imagination.
  • spend an entire day outdoors. with nature.
  • watch the sunrise.
  • take a dance class. ballet. african. ballroom. salsa.
  • go to a thrift store and buy something you never imagined wearing.
  • smile. it will wake up the joy inside.
  • surprise a friend with a homemade meal.
  • book that vacation.
  • stay in bed all day with a good book.
  • take a train.
  • make yourself a priority.
  • fall in love.
  • take off your mask. love who you are.
  • break your own rules.
  • vacate your comfort zone.
  • color outside the lines.
  • abandon your idea of perfection.
  • flirt.
  • spice up your relationship and plan a ‘first date’ with your current lover.
  • try a food you have yet to taste.
  • take a long, succulent nap.
  • laugh out loud.
  • practice random acts of compassion.
  • dance with wild abandon. all night long.
  • write a poem. say just how you feel.
  • practice silence for 24 hours (or more). it works wonders.
  • go into a wide open field and scream at the top of your lungs.
  • write a heartfelt love letter. even if you never send it.
  • become your own best friend.

ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

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(quote by hafiz)

these are some of my favorite things

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

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1. thrift stores

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2. cherimoya

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3. the beautiful amos lee and every song he sings

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4. lush, green forests. surrounded by trees.

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5. realist painter daniel sprick

i just can’t get enough

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

anyone who has spent much time with me can attest to the fact that i have preferences which can undoubtedly be transformed into pure passion, should the right mood strike. LOVE and FAVORITE are two words i use often to describe how i am feeling about a particular person, place, or thing, and my emotions, once provoked, are not easily hidden.

i have an appetite. an appetite for life. when i meet a flavor that agrees with my taste buds, my senses become stimulated with an outpouring of delight that permeates every cell of my being until i am overflowing with more pleasure than a human body can possibly contain. so to put it lightly, when i like something, i really like it. the moment magically delivers a certain quality of truth when i am deeply moved by it through an honest word, a signifying song, a pleasing scent, a tender touch or a divulging silence.

when i hear a song that resonates in my bones and speaks, word for word, directly to my heart, i naturally add it to my list of all-time favorite songs. when i read a quote that expresses a personal feeling i am unable to put into words myself, it becomes one of my favorite quotes that must be written down, shared with the world, hung up on my wall, and etched into my heart. a yoga posture that i have previously executed hundreds of times, suddenly is my favorite pose because it is now symbolic to where i am in my life. my current lover is, without a doubt, on every level, the BEST i’ve ever had. i will enjoy the same meal every day for a month (or 5) because it is, hands down, the BEST thing i have ever put into my mouth. the book i am reading, with so many insights into the story of my own experience, is now one of the BEST books ever written. this moment, this very moment, is my favorite because it is happening right now. it is the one from which i can soak up every last drop of ecstasy.

i have decided to incorporate a weekly blog post that includes five of my FAVORITE things every wednesday, starting tomorrow. my collection of favorites is eclectic, ever-changing, and continually growing, just as i am.

santa barbara

Monday, April 19th, 2010

there was a time when i considered a personal retreat to be quite a luxury. but i have since discovered a well-kept secret that i can not help but share (and honor on a regular basis): solitude and silence awaken an internal awareness that abolishes external longings. occasionally removing myself from the all-too-familiar territory i call home for a few days does wonders for me on so many levels.

i drove up to santa barbara (a place i fall deeper in love with every time i visit) last week to spend some time in nature and reconnect with the soft-spoken voice inside that so often gets drowned out by all the noise in the world around me. after a few days alone and an abundance of quietude, my senses catapult to new heights, my mind clears, my heart opens, my ego diminishes and my energy awakens. these subtle transformations shift my perspective and encourage a deeper awareness that breathes vitality into my life, where colors appear brighter, faces (both familiar and unfamiliar) become more beautiful, relationships deepen, intentions return to purity and truth rises up out of the darkness.

on my way out of town, i stopped by the santa barbara earth day festival and watched the lovely & talented justin hopkins perform a few songs.

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love’s quiet whispers

Friday, April 16th, 2010

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(photo via weheartit)

each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

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(quote by anais nin / photo unknown)

gift exchange

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

love has been extremely generous through the years, showering me with her gorgeous gifts and one-of-a-kind treasures. my heart is continuously refilled with gratitude for the people who unexpectedly show up in my life with wise words, priceless moments, effective lessons, constant friendship and delicious adventure. rumi says it best in the guest house (one of my favorite poems), “be grateful for whomever comes, because each one has been sent as a guide from beyond.“ every guest enters our lives to deliver a unique token, for incomprehensible reasons that only time can conclude. we must trust that everyone we choose to let in has something of value to offer and is also in dire need of something from us, which becomes a beautiful dance between two people that lasts a song, two songs, or maybe even a lifetime, until the gifts have been exchanged. it makes no difference how long we dance with the individual who has been serendipitously placed in our world, only how we dance with the living soul: vivaciously, gracefully, honestly, openly, lovingly, attentively.

here are a few words from a song by cheryl wheeler that has always touched my heart, reminding me of a few angelic beings who have generously offered their rare gifts and touched me in ways that no small act can compare.

i must have been gandhi or buddha, or someone like that,

i must have saved lives by the hundreds everywhere i went,

i must have brought rest to the restless, fed the hungry too,

i must have done something great, to get to have you.

i suppose stranger things have come to pass,

many’s the forest i can’t see.

i was so down and lost and fading fast.

how did you find your way to me?


choosing love

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

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so i guess this is why i never open up a newspaper.

or tune into the nightly news.

my head would be spinning 24/7 if i did.

it’s not that i am oblivious to what is going on outside of my quiet, “make love, not war” world, but i find repetitive updates on violence somewhat disturbing and pointless. ideally, we would all do what needs to be done to survive (and by survive, i mean, live with a roof over our head, food on the table and love in our hearts) and then go home at night to be with our lover, our family, our friends. it seems fairly simple to me. but instead, men and women must leave their families to fight in foreign lands so that i can live my life as i choose.

don’t get me wrong, i CHERISH my freedom. and i know that many lives have been spent so that i can rest easy at night with a pillow under my head and tranquility in my soul. but going even deeper than that, why do we have to FIGHT for peace in the first place? whose ego has become so gigantic that he feels a need to create violence so that innocent creatures have to suffer? whose existence is so miserable that he has chosen to hate rather than love? no matter how hard i try, i can not wrap my head around it. the root of the problem is FEAR, ego, lack of love and compassion, hunger for power and money, greed, FEAR. when you get rid of these and replace them with love and awareness, you have peace. everything else is secondary.

(photo via livingthepoem)

your innermost core has always been pure. purity is intrinsic to you, it cannot be taken away. your virginity is eternal. you cannot lose it, there is no way to lose it. you can only forget about it or you can remember it. if you forget about it, you live in confusion. if you remember it, all is clear.

Monday, April 12th, 2010

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(quote by osho / photo via visualize)